Metablog

This.

Here’s a poem-ish thing I wrote several years ago. Do you think it’s any good? I still like it, but I suspect I’m really terrible at this sort of thing.

Crush

A simplicity, an unconscious grace,
fluid, natural, and inseparable
from her being,
that brightens her and her surroundings,

her presence demanding not awe,
but still, a happy appreciation,
instilling an insatiable interest,
immediate,

curves that admit of no criticism,
a smile, not of maturity, but of friendliness,
an innocence that has been happily forgotten,
discarded,

and the characteristic vitality of youth,
not tempered by any false religious wisdom,
not checked by pressures of purity, sanctity,
or excellence,

are what make her
my crush.

BTW, I was too chicken at the time to ever even talk to her. Ah, those were the days.

Why is it that it’s so hard to flirt until you stop caring about it? Why is it that it’s so hard to make friends while you’re lonely? Why is it that it’s so hard to find a partner until you’re no longer desperate for one?

If you’ve just read my last post, you know I just got dumped. And if you’ve read this, you know that I’ve had a real problem with feeling apathetic. I now understand this problem as straightforward major depression, rather than ADHD. And, thanks to my most recent experience, I now understand this depression as being caused, in a major part, by social isolation, or loneliness. (Read on for the full story.) Continue reading »

OK, well, not really. It was just two dates. But the second one was at my apartment and involved cuddling. And she sounded so infatuated! Or at least, interested. What with the “cutie” and “sweetie” over IM.

What’s that you say? Someone that’s 22 years old shouldn’t be too upset about this? This is just a normal part of dating? Oh, I hear you. I know. It’s just that I haven’t ever experienced these things. I’m such a newbie. This is the first time I’ve been dumped. (Well, declined after having had dates.) And I’m wondering, how is it that I became attached after two dates for this to be a surprise?

I have two theories. One, I’m just too easily taken by people. I become attached more easily than others. Solution: more dating. More experience. More cynicism. (Intellectually, I’m pretty cynical, but emotionally no.)

Two, she was being misleading. Solution: slightly more cynicism. Be aware that some people can disply all the signs of wanting intimacy without the actual interest or desire in you particularly. That’s a new experience for me.

My best guess at this point is an even mixture of one and two.