Metablog

OMG! Someone actually started a conversation with me on a dating site! Someone interesting and attractive? Yes! This is surely a first. Since she could read this, I will say no more about her directly. Besides, I don’t really know that much yet, having had only one short conversation with her. I am anxiously waiting continued conversation. And anxiously dreading the possibility that she, having lost her interest, due to our conversation (or worse yet, due to reading my blog) has stopped correspondence between us.

I have limited my emotional investment in the possibility from the beginning with this scenario and others in mind, but it’s not possible to limit it enough to obviate the pain of rejection entirely. (Even rejection still floating off in the land of possibility.) But it’s not really the pain, so much as it is the possibility and tension and fear in the situation—the anxiety of it all—that really gets to me, drives me crazy, and drives me to distraction.

This has really preoccupied me. It’s driven me to feel more suicidal. I’ve already been feeling pretty goddamn suicidal. I’m at the stage now where I’m seriously getting close. I haven’t yet purchased the tools I’ll use, but I’ve gotten close a couple days to going out and buying the stuff.

So what’s my point here? I guess that, even with all this stress and drama, I think it’s worth it. The possibilities, the hope, the potential, make it worth it. Because nothing in life is worth quite as much as a good relationship, I think.

Filed under Dating, Depression, Human nature, Online dating, Personal thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.