Hello, world!
Welcome to my online world! You know, I’ve thought a lot about building my own world. Like, you know, a personal vision of a fantasy world of some sort that’s immersive and expansive and provides an extended analogy to my psyche and whatnot. I guess I haven’t gotten crazy enough and single-minded enough to pursue such a vision yet. I’ve thought about doing such a world in a text-based environment, like a MUD, and in a graphical environment. The latter would require more tools (like a 3d modeler) and more time per unit of world, but be more immersive. (And more primitive, considering my lack of artisticalish skilz.)
I’ve found the main limitation in pursuing such a dream is the lack of inspiration. I don’t really have many ideas for worlds that are much different than our own, dull, dreary, miserable, dissatisfying world to draw upon. I’m not creative in that way. If I were, I would definitely have been creating such a world and wouldn’t be here now posting. I’m a very practical person. More interested in science than art. More interested in programming languages than programs.
And even that’s not totally true. I’m totally not interested in new programming languages nowadays. I have C#, and I can do everything I want in C#, so why learn anything new? I bought a book on Scala just the other day. Made it halfway through so far. I’m having trouble finding the motivation to make it to the end of the book, let alone actually program something in the language. Which, actually, goes to prove the point that I’m a practical person. Not overly practical. I’ve thought about programming my own OS before. (I.e. building a car from scrap metal.)
Stagnation. That’s what I’m experiencing. Intellectual mortification. Growing old. I’m becoming more practical. Growing old can be good, and can be bad. I wonder if humans have evolved significantly for specialization. I bet we have. Practicality is the mark of the specialist.
World-building is unhealthy. In the sense that it’s non-adaptive. On the other hand, absolute non-reflectivity isn’t adaptive. Otherwise we wouldn’t have evolved it. I just wonder what the distribution of adaptivity versus head-in-the-sky world-building thinking is. Is it a normal distribution? Or bimodal? One thing’s for sure: world-building isn’t getting me any mates. Not anytime soon, anyway. On the other hand, nothing seems to be getting me any mates. I’m probably just defective somehow. I blame my parents.
I have so much animosity and violent will towards people in general. I blame my parents. Potential dates have this huge hurdle to overcome, rather than starting out in a neutral position. Which is probably perfectly normal, but maybe the extent to which I exhibit it isn’t normal. My standards are too high? Either that or I’m hopelessly incompatible with others compared to the normal person.
I want to write a new synthesizer/sequencer. One that provides 1) a cheap and dirty substitute for all the major instruments and 2) parameters that make up for the “cheap and dirtiness” of the sounds to provide all the range of the real instruments. Ideally, the sound would be more pure and abstract, but every bit as expressive. Not fighting against the abstract purity of computer synthesizers, but working with it.
My life is these projects. There’s nothing more to my life than these projects and work, and eating sleeping entertainment fucking (substitutes). Plenty of entertainment.
I always post when I’m drunk. Hmm.
